Questioning Life … In December!
Do you ever find yourself questioning why you do the things that you do? It seems that as I get older I find myself questioning things more and more. I am not sure if it is my age, the more I learn or the fact that I find myself lost for words when I try to explain things to my children.
December seems to be one big question mark for me right now. Over the past few years my children have questioned and questioned WHY we do the things we do throughout December … referring to the holidays. I grew up celebrating Christmas … I have many very fond memories of the decorating a tree, wrapping presents and dreaming of Santa. But as I became a parent I felt like I needed more meaning for my children … I wanted to be able to explain why we did the things we did! This became difficult. For a time I was able to even convince myself that there was hidden meaning to Christmas that gave it a purpose in my life … but the reality is there is not!
We are not Christian, we do not attend church, we have a very different belief system that does not include one God or the great celebrations around Jesus Christ … so what were we celebrating? We do not believe in Santa … I have always had a rule to NOT lie to my children, so the belief that a man dressed in red with flying reindeer came into our house one night a year to leave gifts was soon known to be not true! So again I question, what we are celebrating. Over the past couple of years we have tried to form our own traditions … incorporating some Christmas and Winter Solstice celebrations but we are still working on these traditions.
This year my children have asked: “Why do we celebrate Christmas?” My older children have even expressed that they have no desire to celebrate Christmas. In many, many ways I agree with them … so here I am writing about all my confusion. I like the idea of celebrating the Winter Solstice but feel like over the past few years of trying to implement this, we have just been celebrating the same way we always did, just a few days early … not really the changes that we have been looking for.
This year it seems even more clear that the extreme ‘craziness’ in December is something that I just want to scoop up my family and run and hide from. Is anyone else concerned about the crazy Black Friday Sale injuries that happen each year … do you really want a gift that someone had to push, shove and fight to get a good deal on? I surely do not! Last week as we ventured into the big store to get a few things, I noticed very long lines, cranky people and rude sale associates … why? All in the name of Jesus Christ and the celebration of Christmas? Is it really worth it all?
Over the years I have tried really hard to be kind and live a life of caring. Over the past year I have become even more serious about the fact that the only way to find peace on Earth is to live peacefully … set peaceful examples and spread peace to EVERYONE, EVERYDAY! This is not always easy but I am trying.聽 I feel I have to try extra hard … my children are watching and I want them to grow up to be kind … I do believe that peace comes from kindness!
So here I sit in early December … wondering how to proceed … when I say out loud: “I do not celebrate Christmas”聽 … it is refreshing to me but then I start to feel guilt … to my family? To my children? I am just not even sure what it is all about … but I know that I have to find peace with it because I can not continue to be a part of the crazy, unkind season we are upon. Even my children are asking me to question our intentions and reasons.
Now having said all of the above … kind of a spill of my thoughts … I want to follow up with I know that many people do have deep meaning with the Christmas Holiday. I love the fact that holidays bring families closer and we share things like cards and stories and pictures … I would like to do more of this through out the year … but I am asking … do you ever question your reasons for doing things? What are your traditions? Do you remember to be kind to even the cranky sales person at the store? Life is crazy and I am just a rambling now!
Peace, love and kindness,